A parent recently shared with me an article from Psychology Today by writer Hara Marano entitled “A Nation of Wimps.” The piece's premise is that today's “parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the bumps out of life for their children, however parental hyper-concern has the net effect of making children more fragile.”
ﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠMarano documents countless everyday cases of parents being too protective of their offspring - insisting that tricyclists wear helmets; constantly lathing their children in physical and symbolic sanitizing gels; going to extreme lengths to ensure that their young don't encounter discord on the playground, unpleasantness or struggle in the classroom, losing on the playing field, or too much discomfort in any given situation. A general eagerness to solve a child's every problem and questionable accommodations and awards are further manifestations of this parental “hyper-attentiveness.” At the same time, the societal trend is for parents to have higher and higher expectations for their children's success. It is no surprise that child - and parental - anxiety is on the increase.
ﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠThe collective impact, according to the numerous psychologists quoted in the article, is that “with few challenges of their own, kids are unable to forge the creative adaptations to the normal vicissitudes of life. That not only makes them risk-averse, it makes them psychologically fragile, riddled with anxiety. In the process, they're robbed of identity, meaning, and a sense of accomplishment, to say nothing of a shot at real happiness, perseverance” and normal independence.
ﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠThe article points out that “college is where the fragility factor is now making its greatest mark” with steep increases in rates of student depression, anxiety disorders, relationship disorders, eating disorders, and out of control drinking. The ubiquity of cell phone and email contact with students and their ability to stay in constant contact with their parents about the mundane details of every day life “infantilizes the young, keeping them in a permanent state of dependency.”
ﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠﾠThe psychologists cited in the article believe that parents need to learn to back off and allow their children to more fully experience the ups and downs of childhood, peer relationships, school, and their chosen extra curricular activities. Children need lots of time for free play, unstructured activities, exploration of their strengths and weaknesses, and the “space” for some literal and metaphorical bumps and bruises. One quoted psychologist put it this way: “We've introduced a tendency to assume that children can't handle difficult situations… that if kids start getting into difficulty [parents] need to rush in and do it for them, rather than let them flounder a bit and learn from it. I don't mean that we should abandon them, but give them more credit for figuring things out.” Without a correction of this “steady march of success through a regimented childhood arranged and monitored by parents,” the article posits that fewer and fewer American children will be prepared for independence, and more and more will be disabled by psychological maladies. After all, UVA professor John Portmann says, “sooner or later most kids will be forced to confront their own mediocrity.”