The Country School is an independent, coeducational, Pre-K through 8 school founded in 1934.

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Parental Control: Social Media and Your Child

By: Wilson Everhart
Upper School Head Wilson Everhart addresses a complex and important topic for parents of middle-school-aged children: keeping tabs on their social media usage and the implications of not getting involved.
In many of my communications with parents, I have shared my belief that The Country School works best when they and the teachers collude in a benevolent conspiracy on behalf of our children. We share information, give the thoughtful heads-up, and work together to help navigate the dynamic and complicated world in which we are raising our individual and collective families. It is in this spirit that I share the following:

Over the past two months, I have been privy to a half-dozen instances of 7th and 8th grade students sending or receiving inappropriate messages through social media or via text. Consequently, I wish to share some basic recommendations from the American Association of Pediatrics, as well as those that Mr. Mufson, the faculty, and I have gleaned over the years about the complicated topic of social media and children:

  1. Have regular, open communication with your children about their use of social media in which you ask, “What apps do you use? Who are your ‘friends’ within these apps? What do you like about social media? What don’t you like? How are your friends different on social media than they are in person?”
  1. Know what apps they are using to communicate, know their passwords, know how these apps work, know the privacy settings, and know how many accounts within these apps they have. For example, children with one Instagram account will often have additional accounts under other usernames referred to as “finstas” for “fake Instagrams.”
  1. Have upfront, continual conversations with your child about cyberbullying and the phenomenon of sending or asking for sexually-explicit texts and pictures, known as “sexting,” and the potentially significant consequences of doing so.
  1. Keep reminding yourself that “their” phone, laptops, Wi-Fi access, and corresponding apps and programs belong to you, the parent. As parents, you have the power to suspend, terminate, regulate, or observe their online behavior as you see fit. Parental Controls and monitoring apps can be utilized on any device.
  1. Be intentional in teaching your child how to behave online. For example, as parents, we teach our children how to speak to adults, behave at the dinner table, and share on a play date. Add to this list, “How should my children present themselves online, treat peers, and engage with the world electronically?”
  1. We strongly recommend taking your children’s wired devices out of their bedrooms at night. Children feel pressured to check for messages and respond promptly, regardless of the hour. These middle-of-the-night communications lead to interrupted sleep and often result in poor decision-making. Practically speaking, buy a cheap alarm clock for your children rather than allowing them to use their phone as their alarm.

Most likely, this is not the first time you have heard these recommendations, and many of you are already taking some--if not all--of these steps. If this is the case, then please consider this to be encouragement for your efforts, as this aspect of parenting is complicated, time-consuming, and demanding. However, if you have yet to touch upon some or all of these points with your children, please read this as encouragement to promptly do so.

In addition to the above, I want to share two resources that the faculty and administration of The Country School have found helpful: 1) The book The Big Disconnect by Catherine Steiner-Adair, which was recommended to the community last year by Mr. Mufson and which highlights the importance of “unplugging” and the potentially deleterious effects of social media on our children’s social functioning, and; 2) Common Sense Media, a website which strives to help families make wise and informed decisions about children’s exposure to the overlapping worlds of media, technology, and the Internet.

As this is a complicated topic, I hope that you will continue to share your observations, expertise, insights, and concerns on the matter. Our children will carry their social media presence with them throughout the rest of their lives, and we at The Country School look forward to a continued partnership with our parents to navigate this unique aspect of teaching and parenting.


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