The Country School is an independent, coeducational, Pre-K through 8 school founded in 1934.
News
Children Deserve Body Autonomy
Striking a balance between expecting your children to respect other adults without compromising their instincts and boundaries.
I remember being a kid and dreading when extended family came to visit at my grandparents’ house. They lived right behind us, so weekend meals and mini-family reunions were not an uncommon occurrence. My great-uncle and his very sweet wife were frequent visitors, and I had nothing against them (except maybe the wife’s creepy room filled with porcelain dolls), nor did I in any way dislike any of my grandparents’ other siblings, cousins, or friends. What I resented was my assumed obligation to greet them with hugs, kisses, or whatever else was forced upon me.
It’s very confusing as a child to be taught that you do not hit your siblings or friends or invade their personal space as a matter of respect, yet my grandparents frequently expected me to resist the perfectly natural urge to avoid touching people I hardly knew. I was no more inclined to hug a great-uncle I saw a couple times a year than I was the checkout lady at the grocery store. Yet dinner after dinner, reunion after reunion, my grandmother in particular would cajole and sometimes even shame me into giving random family members hugs or kisses. This left me feeling simultaneously anxious and guilty. It was upsetting that my grandmother didn’t put my feelings before her social expectations, and yet she managed to make me feel in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable with them. The message was that I did not own my own body.
The mixed feelings I had about this as a kid stayed with me well into parenthood, and I made a silent promise to my boys that I would never undermine their own body autonomy. It isn’t a demonstration of love or respect for a child to hug or kiss an adult they don’t wish to have physical contact with—it is forcing a child to be touched against his or her will. Any conscientious adult should be mature enough to understand that a child resisting a physical advance from them is not a reflection of his or her love or fondness for them, but rather is simply their right as a human being to say ‘no’ in that moment.
There are easy alternatives to an intimate display of affection. If I sense that one of my kids would not be amenable to a hug or kiss, sometimes I’ll say, “Do you want to give your uncle a hug, a handshake, or a high-five?” Sometimes the answer might be none of the above, and that’s ok, too. But by giving the option, your child won’t feel backed into a corner or pressured to “perform” in order to please you or the other adult in a way that would not be true to their inner voice.
It wouldn’t cross my mind to badger a friend into hugging another friend I just introduced them to. Why shouldn’t children—who it is our obligation to protect— be afforded the same courtesy? If we want our children to grow up with the confidence to say “no” or “stop” in situations that make them uncomfortable, we must empower them to do so from an early age. Any good parent would agree that body autonomy matters in the teen and adult years. Why wouldn’t it matter in childhood?
Recent News
List of 5 news stories.
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Kindergarten Students Serving Others!
Kindergarteners have been participating in a 3 part HOHO (Helping Others; Helping Ourselves) project lead by Ferris and Laura Butler. Students packed boxes to be shipped to veterans and their families. The boxeswere filled with child friendly, donated items. Also in the boxes were handwritten letters from the students along with a handmade American flag craft. The Butlers carefully orchestrated this project, and we are very grateful for their time and efforts. -
Spring Athletic Award Winners
Congratulations to all our spring athletics award winners and to all our Cougar athletes who participated in sports and clubs! This spring, TCS offered Boys’ and Girls’ Lacrosse, Pickleball Club, Running Club, and Volleyball Club. Providing so many athletic opportunities took a village—thank you to our amazing coaches, volunteers, and parent drivers for making it all possible! And thank you to our students for setting an example of dedication and sportsmanship!Read More -
Summer Trips for Upper School Students in 2025
It is with great excitement that The Country School announces the addition of 2025 summer trips for our Upper School students!Read More -
The Country School Celebrates 90 Years and Installs Jay Parker
Read MoreThe Country School is proud to be celebrating its 90th school year. This milestone year also marks the beginning of a new chapter with the appointment of Jay Parker as the 7th Head of School. -
Conversation & Homecoming - Saturday, February 24, 2024
Read MoreThe Country School, Talbot County Free Library, and the Avalon Foundation, sponsors, join with fourteen other community organizations to present Conversation & Homecoming with Carole Boston Weatherford and her son, Jeffery Boston Weatherford, a program free and open to all.
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